


Saying Goodbye

by orphan_account



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Crying, Death, F/M, Grief, Mourning, PTSD, Violence, cop killer, vengenance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-05-22 16:53:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6087348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A gang initiation prank goes wrong, and Rick is left to pick up the pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Falling apart

Shane was asking Rick the difference between men and women. Rick stayed quiet as Shane went on talking about his new girlfriend, who was still around after two months, a new record for him.

"How's things with Lori, man."

"We didn't have a great night."

"Hey look, man, I may have, uh, failed to amuse with my sermon, but I did try. The least you could do is, is speak."

"That-that's what she always says: "Speak". "Speak". You'd think I was the most closed mouth son of a bitch you'd ever hear her telling."

"Do you express your thoughts? Do you share your feelings and that kind of stuff?"

"The thing is, lately, whenever I try, everything I say makes her impatient like she didn't want to hear it after all. It's like she's pissed at me all the time, and I don't know why."

"Look man, that's just shit couples go through. You know, it's, it's a phase."

"Last thing she said this morning? "Sometimes I wonder if you even care about us at all." She said that in front of our kid; imagine going to school with that in your head. Difference between men and women? I would never say something that cruel to her, and certainly not in front of Carl"

"Just a phase, bro. You guys have been together for ever."

"Hope so. Up for some coffee? You turn to buy."

"I got a goddess in my bed every night and you want me to flirt with the girls at Dunkin Donuts?"

"Alright, you gotta give me the details."

Shane laughed as he got out of the cruiser and headed into the coffee shop. Rick parked at the far end of the lot, waiting for his friend. He picked up his phone and send a text to Lori, trying to smooth things over before he got home. "Just want to say I love you and I'm sorry about this morning."

He didn't know what to be sorry about, just that he didn't want to go home to a war zone. He looked up from his phone and looked around the small shopping center, and noticed four male teens run out, hop on their bikes, and take off. He radioed "Shane you alright in there?" Seconds passed, feeling like hours. "Shane?" He heard an unfamiliar voice crackle on the mic, saying "help...help. he's hurt. Officer down. Help."

Rick ran into the cafe, using the mic connected to his shoulder to radio dispatch about and officer down, inside the Dunkin Donuts on Lake Ave. When he ripped open the door his jaw dropped. Shane was lying on his back, blood pouring out of his neck. He was choking on the blood what welled up in his throat, and stared Rick in the eye. Rick yelled for a towel, and when the counter clerk threw it to him he held it to his friend's neck, trying to pinch off the blood. There was too much of it, and Rick soon had it all over his own clothes. He yelled again for an ambulance, needing help ASAP. He had one hand on the towel and the other hand holding Shane's. His childhood friend make some choking noises, and then was still.

Shane was gone.

Rick started CPR, until the paramedics got there and declared Shane DOA. News spread quickly in their small town, and their small town news channel had a special report about a police officer slain at the local coffee shop. Lori was watching, and saw the number of Rick's cruiser when the camera panned the parking lot. She kept calling Rick, who was giving his statement to the detectives and his Captain, as the Crime Scene Unit was collective evidence and the tape of the incident. In his panic, Rick had forgotten to bring his phone in with him, and it was still in his cruiser. She called her neighbor, Jenny, and begged her to get Carl off the bus. She got in her car and raced to the shopping center on Lake Ave, only to see it was blocked. She parked three blocks away and started running, getting to the donut shop just as Rick and his Captain were leaving. She saw her husband and yelled out "Rick!"

Several officers tried to hold her back, telling her to stand behind the yellow line, but Rick came over to her and let her through, and she looked at his bloody pants and shirt, asking if he was okay. He was trying to maintain his composure, but his voice cracked when he told her about Shane. She held him tightly, and could feel his tears fall onto his shoulder. 

"I tried to call you.....there was no answer. I thought something happened to you." she said, crying along with him. They were trying to comfort each other, before Rick said they had to get out of there. He held her hand as he walked to the cruiser and got his phone, then got the okay from his Captain to leave the scene. Someone else will take the cruiser back to the station, so Rick led Lori, hand in hand, through the crowd that gathered ad they walked towards their car. He let Lori in on the passenger side, then got in the drivers seat and drove home. She was holding his hand, and he was stoic, just staring. He said out loud that some detectives will be stopping by to any more questions, and he'll have to stop at the station to get a new uniform. He kept a few extra at home, but there was too much blood to save this one. He was speaking in a matter-of-fact tone, trying to avoid anything he saw. Shane was an only child, and had no next of kin. He'll need someone to clean out his apartment. The department will handle all the arrangements. 

They got home, and Lori ran across the street to get Carl while Rick went upstairs and took a shower. Rick didn't say much during dinner, just pushed the food around on his plate. All conversation Lori tried to start was met by two or three word answers, but otherwise, Rick stayed silent. 

Carl was quiet, and eventually asked "are you guys getting a divorce?"

Rick snapped out of his trance and said no, and Lori said of course not. Carl responded "you've been fighting a lot and Kenny's mom and dad did that and now his dad lives with another woman. Andrew's parents fought for a long time like you guys do and now his mom lives with another man. You had a fight this morning, and now you're not talking."

Lori and Rick looked at each other, and Lori started talking to Carl.

"Carl, honey, everyone has fights. Your dad and I have been together for almost twenty years. We're bound to have arguments at some point. But we love each other, very much, and we're not splitting up."

"But you're not eating, and mom made your favorite."

"I just had a bad day at work, bud." Rick looked at him, blinking back tears and grabbed onto Lori's hand when she reached across the table.

"Okay." Carl said, and looked relieved. "I'm finished. Can I go play my x-box?"

"Sure." Lori said, as Carl ran up to his room. Rick put his face in his hands and started crying. Lori came over and sat on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and rubbing the back of his head. "I'm sorry."

"How are we gonna tell Carl?" he sobbed.

"We'll think of something. Don't worry about that now."

He cried on her shoulder for a while, before she told him to go get ready for bed. She cleaned up the house, locked up and turned the security system on, before going upstairs and telling Carl to turn off the game and go to bed. She washed up, and slipped into the bedroom, thinking Rick was already asleep. She slid into bed, and was startled when he reached over and grabbed onto her waist. He started crying again, over the loss of his friend, over what Carl said, over what she said that morning, and over the memory of Shane holding his hand as he took his last breath. He started the deep sobs, his body shaking. She hugged him tightly, trying in vain to offer words of comfort.


	2. Shane

It was the day of Shane's funeral. Memorial service was more like it. He was cremated, according to his wishes in his will. Rick wanted to keep the urn. They were basically brothers, after all. Leon's funeral was the next day. They thought it would be best for Carl to attend school, rather than be at such emotional events. Both days Lori sat with the other cops' wives and families, and Rick was in full formal uniform standing in formation. She watched him closely at Shane's funeral, he was standing as commanded, but had tears running down his face.

Shane had very few people show up at his funeral. Some neighbors, a few friends, but no family. Maybe ten people were there. Other than that, nobody. Nobody to grieve his death.

Shane's left everything to Rick. He wanted his pension transferred to Rick's account, and all other money and material items he had given to the Grimes family, and his life insurance to go to Carl's college education. He had a small apartment, and his landlord wanted everything moved out by the end of the month, just three days away.

The day after Leon's funeral, Rick and Lori went to Shane's apartment. It was typical Shane. Empty beer bottles, stacks of porn magazines, his bed was unmade and a woman's thong was on one of the pillows. They agreed to take furniture they would use, and donate everything else to Goodwill. They started the process of going through what he had. They took several guns, all his food, and kitchen items. Rick took some of his clothes, they stripped his bed, joking they'll wash the sheets before putting them in the guest bedroom. There wasn't much left. They went through dresser drawers, found boxes and boxes of condoms in the nightstand, lots of lube, and sex toys. Lori grabbed a trash bag and they threw out the magazines, beer cans, and other….personal items. It didn't take long, and the place was empty. Goodwill would be there within an hour to get the furniture and clothes they didn't want.

Rick took a few items that belonged to Shane's dad. In the one bookcase Rick found some more porn magazines, and two photo albums. He sat on the sofa and started looking through the pictures. Pictures of Shane as a baby, being held by his mom. More kid pictures, and lots of pictures of a young Rick and a young Shane. Both in their little league outfits, dressed up as Batman and Robin for Halloween, school days, heading off to college, and lots of pictures he took of them at their wedding, and him holding Carl. Lori sat on the sofa next to Rick, and rubbed his back. He had tears in his eyes, then started crying, before starting the deep, ugly sobs. Lori held him as he cried. She was crying too, but wanted to be strong for Rick.

Goodwill came, and took all the furniture, dishes, glasses, and a few bags of clothes. Rick and Lori brought everything they were taking to their car. Soon, the apartment was empty. Rick took one last look around, made sure nothing was left, and shut the door. He gave the keys to the landlord, and got in the car with Lori to drive home. They brought in the boxes and other stuff, and soon Carl's school bus dropped him off at home. Rick tried to keep the conversation going during dinner, for Carl's sake. He knew that Uncle Shane went to heaven. He was only five, and didn't need to know any more details. "So he's with nana, papa, Auntie Kate, Uncle Jeff, Gramma and Granpa?"

"Yea," said Lori, her voice quivering.

"Okay. Can I go watch tv?"

"Sure sweetie."

Carl left the table, and Rick almost folded to the floor. Rick was raised with a brother, but he committed suicide a few years ago. Shane was not only his best friend but his de facto brother. Lori helped Carl with his homework, had him take a shower, and put him to bed. She gave him a kiss on the forehead and said "Goodnight, my sweet boy. I love you."

"I love you too mom. I'm sorry about Uncle Shane."

"Thanks sweetie. Try to get some sleep."

She shut his door and went to check on Rick. He was almost asleep, but still crying. She sat on the edge of the bed and held his hand as he fell asleep. She went back downstairs. She finished cleaning up after dinner, and locked up the house. She started going through the boxes from Shane's apartment. She put the clothes Rick took in a pile to be washed, got out the framed pictures he had of him and Rick, and put some them on the mantle above the fireplace. Rick already took care of the guns…they were hidden, along with some others, around the house in Rick's insistence to keep his family safe. She went to the basement and got two new and empty picture frames. She went through the photo albums, and took out the one of the two in their little league outfits, and one taken on the day she and Rick got married...just the two of them. She quietly went into the bedroom, and heard Rick snoring. She went to his dresser, which Rick always kept tidy. He cleared most of the things off, and had Shane's urn sitting right in the middle. She put the framed pictures, one on each side, next to the urn. She put his badge, which Rick kept, in front of it. Hopefully Rick would like that.

It was close to midnight, and she was no way close to tired. She added Shane's photo albums to the collection of their own, on a bookshelf in the living room. She emptied all of the boxes, put his stuff and things around the house, and broke down the boxes to put them in the trash. She thought "that's it." That's all that was left of Shane. It was almost as if he never existed.

She went back to the bookshelf and took his albums, wanting to look through them. Lots of pictures of Shane and his parents, Shane and Rick, and college pictures. She smiled when she saw the pictures of Shane and Rick playing football, the pictures Shane must have taken of Rick; holding up a bottle of booze, and when she turned the page she saw the first picture of Rick with herself. They met in college, and it was love at first sight. She remembered when most of them were taken. Shane surprised them one morning when they were both still in bed, she saw a picture of one taken at a party. She was sitting in Rick's lap, they were both laughing, and he had his arms around her waist, looking at her with adoration and pure love in his eyes. Some pictures she didn't remember being taken. One night at a party she got drunk, and there was one picture of a very sober Rick, who had a protective arm around her. One picture was taken of the two of them asleep in Rick's dorm bed, her back to his bare chest, his arm wrapped around her, holding her tightly. The same way they still sleep to this day. Other pictures leading up to their wedding, cookouts at their house, and Carl as a baby, Carl as a toddler, Carl as a preschooler. She realized that one entire photo album was made up of pictures of just her Rick and Carl.

There was an envelope taped to the last page. It simply said "Rick" and was sealed. She felt the envelope, and it seemed to be just paper. She put it aside and was going to give it to Rick in the morning, which was not that far away. She didn't realize it was almost four am. She looked around and saw that everything was cleared. All the boxes were empty, and there was nothing else to go through. She put both albums back, and was about to go upstairs when she heard Rick come downstairs. His eyes were red from crying. When he got downstairs he scooped her into a hug, saying he saw what she did with the pictures. It's beautiful. Thank you. He told her how much he loves her. She told him she loves him.

"Have you been up all night?"

"Yea, I went through all the boxes and put away everything."

She took him by the hand and led him to the couch. She took out the album that was just of the two of them, and gave it to him. She also handed him the envelope. She kissed him, then went into the kitchen to make coffee. She went to the bathroom, and when she came out she saw Rick reading the letter, while wiping tears away. She didn't approach him, she knew he needed time to himself. She started a load of laundry, all Shane's clothes. She sat down next to Rick, and rubbed his back. He missed his friend. She pulled him in for a hug and he grabbed onto her tightly. He sobbed, and she rubbed his back and the back of his head. When he calmed down he wanted her to read the letter Shane wrote for him. He needed coffee, and went to the kitchen. She took the letter, and started reading it. It was dated just a few weeks ago.

"Hey Rick,

If you're reading this it means I'm dead. That sucks. Hi Lori. I knew you would grab the photo albums and find this letter. That's why I put it there.

Rick, thank you for being my brother. It sucks being an only child, and you were my best friend. Best friend from childhood, through grade school, high school, roommates in college, and partners on the force. Two peas in a pod. That's what my mom would always say.

I know I made a name for myself with the ladies, but the biggest mistake I ever made was not finding a woman and settling down. You really have it made. I would joke around with you about different girls I met, but I knew I couldn't do that forever. At age 34 it's okay, but 44, 54, etc.… it gets creepy. I needed stability. Thank you for making me Carl's godfather. He's my nephew, even though he's not my blood. I'll admit I was jealous of your life. I wanted to have someone to come home to after a long day at work. I wanted someone to grow old with. I wanted a family of my own. If I could do it all over again, I'd smarten up and would have gotten married. I know you guys had bumps in the road, but I know you two love each other. Roommates in college….remember? I know you two LOVE each other. Ha. Lori – I've known Rick since we were kids, and I've never seen him as happy as he is with you. He really loves you. Whatever petty shit there is, get over it. Life is too short, and you won't have your life forever.

Take care of my nephew. Please let him know that his first year of college is paid for.

Take care of each other. Overlook the stupid shit, and be happy. Think back to how you were in college. It doesn't matter if you married young. I know you still love each other. That's all that counts. If you don't I'll haunt you. Ha.

Thank you for making me part of your family.

Enough of the sappy shit.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

I love you guys,

Shane


	3. The ones left behind

Lori knew that Rick was due home later than usual tonight. She kept his dinner warm, and as soon as she heard the garage door open she put it on the table, along with a cold beer.

They did the usual routine; Rick came through the door and got a hug from Carl, who went upstairs and played with his X-box, and a tight hug and gentle kiss from his wife.

“How’d it go?” She asked, looking at his red eyes, which gave away his grief.

“Alright.”

“Did you say anything?”

He just looked at the floor and shook his head.

She thought that he might need some alone time, so she said she’d see him upstairs. But he grabbed her hand and asked her hand and asked her to stay.

She did most of the talking when he ate his dinner, and asked him about his day. Between bites he was able to say that there was no new information in the case. The detectives called in the FBI to help them crack the case, but he had his doubts. 

“Six months. It’s been six months and nothing. They want me partnered with a rookie. I can’t do that.”

“You have enough authority, can you talk to the Chief about it?”

“He’s the one that wants me to do it. He told me that I’ve been walking around the place like some damn zombie. He wasn’t the one who was there. I tried to get the bleeding to stop. He wasn’t the one to look at Shane in the eye as he died. I did everything I could.” He said, his voice quivering.

“I know you did, baby.”

They sat for a moment, her hand in his, without saying a word. He then finished his dinner and his beer, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and went upstairs to take a shower. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rick laid awake, his hand resting on Lori’s arm as he stared at the ceiling. As with every night, he replayed Shane’s last moments, and the thought that got under his skin every second since that evening…what if he was the one who went inside the store? Lori and Carl….


	4. Blue Lives Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My deepest sympathies to the families of the officers who were killed in Dallas last week.

This work is now abandoned.


End file.
